Oompa Loompa, Doopity Dossum: Fred Is Now Gone, That's Totally Awesome

Man, do I love politics.

First off, I think my last post about whom I was endorsing was this blog taking itself too seriously. C'mon, who the hell do I think I am, the venerable Bob Schieffer? Now there's a man who could endorse a ham sandwich for president and make everyone say, "Wow, Boar's Head never looked so sensible until now."

Also, I'm faced with conceding here (for the very first time!) that the November victory speech will probably not contain the words, "If you thought running for president was hard, try living through 9/11! Oh, wait, right - I'm elected now, I can finally admit that the calendar has 364 other days."

Strangely, I'm not very upset over my man Rudy going down. He actually sort of deserves it, because I've been getting pissed off lately that he's commercialized that day to the point that Christmas looks sacred and private by comparison. Seriously, 'Dolph, I've been saying all along: All you had to do was hold up before and after charts at your stump speeches. New York City crime pre-Rudy, New York City crime post-Rudy. Choking deficit in the early 90s, golden surplus in time for the new millennium. You could have reminded them all of the well-known saying from before 9/11 - that being mayor of New York is the second hardest government job in the country. Call me next time you run for something man, although Rasmussen just informed me that the corpse of Richard Nixon leads you in the polls for dog catcher.

I'm now throwing my heft behind the Maverick, the War Hero, the Stud That Kissed All the Girls and Made Them Cry: Senator John Sidney McCain III. And I can't wait until the inevitable day that he takes an big old man dump on Glove Romney and sends him back to Michigan, or Massachusetts, or, uhh...wait, I think he just changed his position again on which state is best.

And don't tell me that 71 is too old to be elected president. Warren Buffet, 76, is still in complete command of the strongest company in our nation.

This just in: Last night's edition of WWE Monday Night Raw was eked out by CNN's Democratic Debate as the trashiest main event of the night. Seriously! The only trick that Hillary didn't pull was after one of Obama's retorts, raising her arm to emphasize a point and then wailing, "WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO PICK ON ME?!" As Mr. Imus said this morning, the Clintons would poison a municipal water system if it meant winning an election.

The odds in Vegas right now probably point towards a Clinton/McCain big dance in November. Call me crazy, but I have a dream scenario. Follow my math here. John McCain, while most of his support comes from the Republicans, is well-liked by many Democrats, right? Barack Obama, with his message of hope and unity, complimenting politicians on both sides of the aisle and looking like a refreshing break from the "politics of personal destruction" is building some cross-party appeal, right? Then what better way to get an Upper West Side writer and a Texas cattle rancher to join hands and sing Kumbaya than to put forth the perfect unity ticket. It would eliminate a lot of the divisions in our great nation, and, more importantly, put an everlasting boulder in the Clintons' craw.

Happy electioning, everybody.

P.S. McBama '08!