Because of some dirty players in the Clinton campaign and just plain blind ignorance of Islamo-phobes across the nation, Senator Obama should give a talk entitled, "I'm Not A Muslim, Not That There's Anything Wrong With That."
I mean, it worked for Mike Piazza, right?
Saturday, January 26, 2008
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Oompa Loompa, Doopity Dossum: Fred Is Now Gone, That's Totally Awesome
Man, do I love politics.
First off, I think my last post about whom I was endorsing was this blog taking itself too seriously. C'mon, who the hell do I think I am, the venerable Bob Schieffer? Now there's a man who could endorse a ham sandwich for president and make everyone say, "Wow, Boar's Head never looked so sensible until now."
Also, I'm faced with conceding here (for the very first time!) that the November victory speech will probably not contain the words, "If you thought running for president was hard, try living through 9/11! Oh, wait, right - I'm elected now, I can finally admit that the calendar has 364 other days."
Strangely, I'm not very upset over my man Rudy going down. He actually sort of deserves it, because I've been getting pissed off lately that he's commercialized that day to the point that Christmas looks sacred and private by comparison. Seriously, 'Dolph, I've been saying all along: All you had to do was hold up before and after charts at your stump speeches. New York City crime pre-Rudy, New York City crime post-Rudy. Choking deficit in the early 90s, golden surplus in time for the new millennium. You could have reminded them all of the well-known saying from before 9/11 - that being mayor of New York is the second hardest government job in the country. Call me next time you run for something man, although Rasmussen just informed me that the corpse of Richard Nixon leads you in the polls for dog catcher.
I'm now throwing my heft behind the Maverick, the War Hero, the Stud That Kissed All the Girls and Made Them Cry: Senator John Sidney McCain III. And I can't wait until the inevitable day that he takes an big old man dump on Glove Romney and sends him back to Michigan, or Massachusetts, or, uhh...wait, I think he just changed his position again on which state is best.
And don't tell me that 71 is too old to be elected president. Warren Buffet, 76, is still in complete command of the strongest company in our nation.
This just in: Last night's edition of WWE Monday Night Raw was eked out by CNN's Democratic Debate as the trashiest main event of the night. Seriously! The only trick that Hillary didn't pull was after one of Obama's retorts, raising her arm to emphasize a point and then wailing, "WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO PICK ON ME?!" As Mr. Imus said this morning, the Clintons would poison a municipal water system if it meant winning an election.
The odds in Vegas right now probably point towards a Clinton/McCain big dance in November. Call me crazy, but I have a dream scenario. Follow my math here. John McCain, while most of his support comes from the Republicans, is well-liked by many Democrats, right? Barack Obama, with his message of hope and unity, complimenting politicians on both sides of the aisle and looking like a refreshing break from the "politics of personal destruction" is building some cross-party appeal, right? Then what better way to get an Upper West Side writer and a Texas cattle rancher to join hands and sing Kumbaya than to put forth the perfect unity ticket. It would eliminate a lot of the divisions in our great nation, and, more importantly, put an everlasting boulder in the Clintons' craw.
Happy electioning, everybody.
P.S. McBama '08!
First off, I think my last post about whom I was endorsing was this blog taking itself too seriously. C'mon, who the hell do I think I am, the venerable Bob Schieffer? Now there's a man who could endorse a ham sandwich for president and make everyone say, "Wow, Boar's Head never looked so sensible until now."
Also, I'm faced with conceding here (for the very first time!) that the November victory speech will probably not contain the words, "If you thought running for president was hard, try living through 9/11! Oh, wait, right - I'm elected now, I can finally admit that the calendar has 364 other days."
Strangely, I'm not very upset over my man Rudy going down. He actually sort of deserves it, because I've been getting pissed off lately that he's commercialized that day to the point that Christmas looks sacred and private by comparison. Seriously, 'Dolph, I've been saying all along: All you had to do was hold up before and after charts at your stump speeches. New York City crime pre-Rudy, New York City crime post-Rudy. Choking deficit in the early 90s, golden surplus in time for the new millennium. You could have reminded them all of the well-known saying from before 9/11 - that being mayor of New York is the second hardest government job in the country. Call me next time you run for something man, although Rasmussen just informed me that the corpse of Richard Nixon leads you in the polls for dog catcher.
I'm now throwing my heft behind the Maverick, the War Hero, the Stud That Kissed All the Girls and Made Them Cry: Senator John Sidney McCain III. And I can't wait until the inevitable day that he takes an big old man dump on Glove Romney and sends him back to Michigan, or Massachusetts, or, uhh...wait, I think he just changed his position again on which state is best.
And don't tell me that 71 is too old to be elected president. Warren Buffet, 76, is still in complete command of the strongest company in our nation.
This just in: Last night's edition of WWE Monday Night Raw was eked out by CNN's Democratic Debate as the trashiest main event of the night. Seriously! The only trick that Hillary didn't pull was after one of Obama's retorts, raising her arm to emphasize a point and then wailing, "WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO PICK ON ME?!" As Mr. Imus said this morning, the Clintons would poison a municipal water system if it meant winning an election.
The odds in Vegas right now probably point towards a Clinton/McCain big dance in November. Call me crazy, but I have a dream scenario. Follow my math here. John McCain, while most of his support comes from the Republicans, is well-liked by many Democrats, right? Barack Obama, with his message of hope and unity, complimenting politicians on both sides of the aisle and looking like a refreshing break from the "politics of personal destruction" is building some cross-party appeal, right? Then what better way to get an Upper West Side writer and a Texas cattle rancher to join hands and sing Kumbaya than to put forth the perfect unity ticket. It would eliminate a lot of the divisions in our great nation, and, more importantly, put an everlasting boulder in the Clintons' craw.
Happy electioning, everybody.
P.S. McBama '08!
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Thursday, December 20, 2007
A Second Post in Sixteen Hours? Glorious Procrastination Be Thy Name
Twas 5 days before Christmas,
And I couldn't care less
About Operations Management.
That class was a mess.
With boring material
The professor, a dope
Is this really my undergraduate career
At the end of its rope?
I'd much rather spend the day
Hanging out with my masses
That I won't see much next semester
Because miles apart will be our classes
I want to get drunk,
Put this annoyance behind me
But I must answer questions
Like "How should a supply chain be?"
I must grin and bear it,
For it will soon be done
But now I want to take my notebook
And shoot it with a gun.
If I stop studying now
And just watch TV
Will my career 3.9 suffer
For a grade less than a B?
And I couldn't care less
About Operations Management.
That class was a mess.
With boring material
The professor, a dope
Is this really my undergraduate career
At the end of its rope?
I'd much rather spend the day
Hanging out with my masses
That I won't see much next semester
Because miles apart will be our classes
I want to get drunk,
Put this annoyance behind me
But I must answer questions
Like "How should a supply chain be?"
I must grin and bear it,
For it will soon be done
But now I want to take my notebook
And shoot it with a gun.
If I stop studying now
And just watch TV
Will my career 3.9 suffer
For a grade less than a B?
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Awesomeness on a Stick Endorses Barack H. Obama for the Democratic Presidential Nomination, Rudolph W. Giuliani for the Republicans
I will address the latter gentleman first. While he was the mayor of my city, I loved the job he was doing during his first 92 months in office; I just about worshiped him in the final four. For examples of how New York City existed just prior to his mayoralty, see the examples he presents in the introduction to his book Leadership. A majority of New Yorkers, according to polls, would have moved out if they could. There were more than 2000+ murders per year, you could find few places that were completely safe after dark, and the city economy was stagnant at best. On the day prior to the worst day in our city's history, the overhaul of the city's crime, economy, and its agencies overall could not be any clearer. It was the mark of a municipal government that saw what had to be done and did it very well. In retrospect, you could very accurately state that we all took this for granted. In two months we would elect a new mayor, look at what the current mayor did as more favorable than not, yet have some reservations about calling him great because of his recent infidelities and iffy race relations.
The next day everything changed, and in our darkest moment, we held on to his every word for the truth, hope, and any possible shred of consolation we could find. However, this "we" grew from eight million to a quarter of a billion. America's Mayor showed tremendous strength, perseverance, and sensitivity - in a nutshell: leadership. Before and after 9/11, Rudolph W. Giuliani owned and displayed this adjective in great measure. Here's hoping that he can clean up some of the mess in the Federal government the way he restructured our city's.
Other acceptable candidates: John McCain, Ron Paul. Unacceptable for reasons I won't get into unless one of them wins the nomination: Mike Huckabee and Mitt Romney.
As for Senator Obama, I could not do his history the same justice I've done Giuliani's. What I do know is that he is highly intelligent, both in the intellectual sense and in that he seems to really "get it." He also disdains the roadblocks of the establishment. I heard him on the radio today saying that he would put Republicans in his cabinet. This is something that our current president has failed to do (cross party lines, of course - he has plenty of Republicans in his cabinet), and party relations are the worse for it. Did anyone see the series finale of The West Wing, when Jimmy Smits' Democratic character was being inaugurated? He chose his opponent, Alan Alda's Republican Senator Vinick, as his Secretary of State. Democrats might decry the "audacity" of a President Obama inserting members of the opposing party in his Cabinet, but I "hope" he would ignore them.
The other day, Bill Clinton told Charlie Rose that electing Mr. Obama might be "a roll of the dice." This is incorrect, and Clinton assumes that the type of experience his wife holds is eminently important. Her experience as senator of New York has produced blunders such as riding the tide of sentiment of Governor Spitzer and his opinions about issuing illegal aliens drivers' licenses. Her experience has led to others basically owning her stances. Senator Obama can successfully fill the role of president by selecting advisors and officials with experience in relevant fields, and he seems to possess the intelligence to place trust in the right people and in the right decisions. We would also recoup some of our global influence by electing a president who listens.
Unfortunately the only other candidate I like in the Democratic Party is Senator Joe Biden, and he has basically no chance. A Giuliani (or even McCain) versus Obama election would be an exciting race that would wipe the horrible taste of Bush/Kerry out of America's mouth.
OK, back to studying for my last final exam. Then I start graduate school two weeks from tonight. Excited beyond belief. Merry Christmas, everyone.
The next day everything changed, and in our darkest moment, we held on to his every word for the truth, hope, and any possible shred of consolation we could find. However, this "we" grew from eight million to a quarter of a billion. America's Mayor showed tremendous strength, perseverance, and sensitivity - in a nutshell: leadership. Before and after 9/11, Rudolph W. Giuliani owned and displayed this adjective in great measure. Here's hoping that he can clean up some of the mess in the Federal government the way he restructured our city's.
Other acceptable candidates: John McCain, Ron Paul. Unacceptable for reasons I won't get into unless one of them wins the nomination: Mike Huckabee and Mitt Romney.
As for Senator Obama, I could not do his history the same justice I've done Giuliani's. What I do know is that he is highly intelligent, both in the intellectual sense and in that he seems to really "get it." He also disdains the roadblocks of the establishment. I heard him on the radio today saying that he would put Republicans in his cabinet. This is something that our current president has failed to do (cross party lines, of course - he has plenty of Republicans in his cabinet), and party relations are the worse for it. Did anyone see the series finale of The West Wing, when Jimmy Smits' Democratic character was being inaugurated? He chose his opponent, Alan Alda's Republican Senator Vinick, as his Secretary of State. Democrats might decry the "audacity" of a President Obama inserting members of the opposing party in his Cabinet, but I "hope" he would ignore them.
The other day, Bill Clinton told Charlie Rose that electing Mr. Obama might be "a roll of the dice." This is incorrect, and Clinton assumes that the type of experience his wife holds is eminently important. Her experience as senator of New York has produced blunders such as riding the tide of sentiment of Governor Spitzer and his opinions about issuing illegal aliens drivers' licenses. Her experience has led to others basically owning her stances. Senator Obama can successfully fill the role of president by selecting advisors and officials with experience in relevant fields, and he seems to possess the intelligence to place trust in the right people and in the right decisions. We would also recoup some of our global influence by electing a president who listens.
Unfortunately the only other candidate I like in the Democratic Party is Senator Joe Biden, and he has basically no chance. A Giuliani (or even McCain) versus Obama election would be an exciting race that would wipe the horrible taste of Bush/Kerry out of America's mouth.
OK, back to studying for my last final exam. Then I start graduate school two weeks from tonight. Excited beyond belief. Merry Christmas, everyone.
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Tom Cruise Isn't, But I Heard His Agent Is
First off, Happy Chanukah to all my Jewish compadres. I hope you get a harmonica on this lovely, lovely Chanukah.
For the third time since Sunday, it snowed here in New York. Since it hasn't done anything crazy to piss me off yet, like create the need to unfreeze my car doors or to dig my car out of a plowed-in snowbank, we cool for now, that snow and I.
Imus is back! And even though I'm rarely awake early enough to hear him, the magic of technology allows me to hear American's favorite cowboy whenever I want. Bear with me as I explain this, because I have the technical abilities of a ninety year-old Siberian grandmother. I have this program called Total Recorder that records any sound an application on your computer makes. It also has a scheduling function! So all I have to do every night before I go to bed is open the streaming audio portion of 77 WABC-AM's website, and set the scheduler on the program to record from 6-10am. When I'm getting ready to leave the house, I transfer the file and boom! I'm hearing the I-Man on my iPod in my iCar on the way to the iBronx. It's like a Tivo for your iPod.
I just realized the last time I updated was November 5th. I really should stay more on top of this site. I wouldn't want Ms. Jessica Liconti (there's your shoutout!) to be bored for too long.
Bought a hat on eBay the other day. It's one of those flat hats. Driving caps they're called. I won it for a whopping $2.47, so who could pass up a steal like that for the winter months.
Spring break: Cozumel! I really could not be any more excited. Maybe if they put in a casino, but I'm fine with the beach, heat, and the bikinis that naturally come with the package. That's why they call it all-inclusive. Screw the unlimited Mojitos. Well, no, I'll still take the Mojito as well.
I'll be back again on the other side of finals week. Or, more likely, when I want to procrastinate while studying. Good luck everyone! Hope you're not too far from a bar or a bed when it's all over. The bar I'll buy in my retirement years will have huge reclining chairs with cupholders. By then, it'll probably be cheap enough to put a plasma in front of each TV. Screw the trendiness of house music and no TVs at bars. How the hell else are you going to know what any of your nine New York sports teams are doing? If it's April or May, you could have seven of thm playing in the same night! Some of the best conversations can happen over sports anyway. A guy I know met his long-time girlfriend while watching a Red Sox game at a pub. Now THAT'S romance. No fake people in my bar.
For the third time since Sunday, it snowed here in New York. Since it hasn't done anything crazy to piss me off yet, like create the need to unfreeze my car doors or to dig my car out of a plowed-in snowbank, we cool for now, that snow and I.
Imus is back! And even though I'm rarely awake early enough to hear him, the magic of technology allows me to hear American's favorite cowboy whenever I want. Bear with me as I explain this, because I have the technical abilities of a ninety year-old Siberian grandmother. I have this program called Total Recorder that records any sound an application on your computer makes. It also has a scheduling function! So all I have to do every night before I go to bed is open the streaming audio portion of 77 WABC-AM's website, and set the scheduler on the program to record from 6-10am. When I'm getting ready to leave the house, I transfer the file and boom! I'm hearing the I-Man on my iPod in my iCar on the way to the iBronx. It's like a Tivo for your iPod.
I just realized the last time I updated was November 5th. I really should stay more on top of this site. I wouldn't want Ms. Jessica Liconti (there's your shoutout!) to be bored for too long.
Bought a hat on eBay the other day. It's one of those flat hats. Driving caps they're called. I won it for a whopping $2.47, so who could pass up a steal like that for the winter months.
Spring break: Cozumel! I really could not be any more excited. Maybe if they put in a casino, but I'm fine with the beach, heat, and the bikinis that naturally come with the package. That's why they call it all-inclusive. Screw the unlimited Mojitos. Well, no, I'll still take the Mojito as well.
I'll be back again on the other side of finals week. Or, more likely, when I want to procrastinate while studying. Good luck everyone! Hope you're not too far from a bar or a bed when it's all over. The bar I'll buy in my retirement years will have huge reclining chairs with cupholders. By then, it'll probably be cheap enough to put a plasma in front of each TV. Screw the trendiness of house music and no TVs at bars. How the hell else are you going to know what any of your nine New York sports teams are doing? If it's April or May, you could have seven of thm playing in the same night! Some of the best conversations can happen over sports anyway. A guy I know met his long-time girlfriend while watching a Red Sox game at a pub. Now THAT'S romance. No fake people in my bar.
Monday, November 5, 2007
I am the Regional Manager of this Orifice
I've rediscovered the fun of breakaway pants. They're truly the best thing to wear around the house when wearing pajamas makes you feel like too much of a useless bum.
As of today, I'm opening up the search for where I'm going to live next year and with whom (if anyone). It occurred to me that I should start doing this soon, as I was waiting for the Q10 bus at 4am Sunday. Being drunk just isn't as fun when an hour and a half separate last carbomb from merciful pillow.
Things are pretty pleasant right now. The whole GMAT thing is over, and senioritis is really starting to take root. Plus I'm saving $12 a month in haircuts by just avoiding the whole dreaded process altogether. The part I tend to dislike the most is pretending to make small talk with Gabe. He cuts a good hair or two, but once you get past weather (too hot/really nice/cold man, cold) and work (how's work? I don't work. You in school? Yeah, it's OK.), there's not much to go on. The guy doesn't even watch sports or care about politics, things with which the biggest bore could fill a half hour of the awkwardness of one man touching another's head.
My Christmas list:
David Wright authentic home jersey
Seinfeld seasons 8 and 9
Membership to the New York Road Runners' Club
This was the first year of the last three that I haven't included satellite radio. This is due totally to the rapidly approaching December 3rd return of J. Donald Imus to the airwaves. I had always taken the I-man for granted, but his seven month nappygate exodus will have me glued to every Hillary Clinton, Dick Cheney, Britney Spears = Satan comment, overexaggerated Tassimo commercial, and dying wheeze that I've been woefully deprived of since April 12th.
I wonder just what the hell people do in Omaha all day anyway. Or if they have streets like we do.
As of today, I'm opening up the search for where I'm going to live next year and with whom (if anyone). It occurred to me that I should start doing this soon, as I was waiting for the Q10 bus at 4am Sunday. Being drunk just isn't as fun when an hour and a half separate last carbomb from merciful pillow.
Things are pretty pleasant right now. The whole GMAT thing is over, and senioritis is really starting to take root. Plus I'm saving $12 a month in haircuts by just avoiding the whole dreaded process altogether. The part I tend to dislike the most is pretending to make small talk with Gabe. He cuts a good hair or two, but once you get past weather (too hot/really nice/cold man, cold) and work (how's work? I don't work. You in school? Yeah, it's OK.), there's not much to go on. The guy doesn't even watch sports or care about politics, things with which the biggest bore could fill a half hour of the awkwardness of one man touching another's head.
My Christmas list:
David Wright authentic home jersey
Seinfeld seasons 8 and 9
Membership to the New York Road Runners' Club
This was the first year of the last three that I haven't included satellite radio. This is due totally to the rapidly approaching December 3rd return of J. Donald Imus to the airwaves. I had always taken the I-man for granted, but his seven month nappygate exodus will have me glued to every Hillary Clinton, Dick Cheney, Britney Spears = Satan comment, overexaggerated Tassimo commercial, and dying wheeze that I've been woefully deprived of since April 12th.
I wonder just what the hell people do in Omaha all day anyway. Or if they have streets like we do.
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